The Crazymomma Files

The GOOD, the BAD, and the UGLY

Aunt Flo shows her ugly face July 13, 2008

Filed under: life - Mood: Contemplative — Flickerchic @ 6:42 pm
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Well, it’s day 45 and my cycle finally comes. Although I’m not particularly happy about it, I am glad that something finally happened so I wouldn’t constantly be wondering if (and secretly hoping that ) I’m pregnant.

I keep wondering if I should close that door in my life. I lalready have three beautiful boys. Shouldn’t I just be happy with that? I mean, there are 16 years between K and B.  If I had another baby, B would be 20 years older, at least, than that one. With D being 12 years older. Not to mention the handfull that K is. Would I be able -and willing – to have to do all of this over again with another baby. The boys already take up so much of my time and we are comfortable. Would having another baby put us back into financial strain? I don’t know. I love being pregnant and I love babies. I love being a mother, regardless of how hard it is at times. Do I really want to start all over again – for the fourth time?

 

Am I getting wiser as I get older…. April 5, 2008

Filed under: Life - Mood: Optimistic — Flickerchic @ 4:32 am
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or just plain crazy??? I guess that depends on how you look at it. Here I am, already a mother of 3 boys. Three boys that wore plain, ole, regular disposable diapers, ate regular old babyfood, and drank regular old formula. Well, two of them drank formula, my last one was breastfed. Hence, this is also playing into the question about my wisdom and sanity.

But, now I find myself pregnant once again. And I am ecstatic about having another baby. Despite the chapped nipples, mastitis, leaking boobies at the sounds of a baby crying – even if it wasn’t my own, expressing, and a clingy baby that wanted to stay attached to my breast and have nothing to do with Daddy, I will breastfeed this baby just as I did my last son. I never knew that I would enjoy nursing. The closeness I felt to my baby was unmatched to any other feeling in the world. Why hadn’t I thought to do this with my other two boys? Simple…I wasn’t educated about it. But the more I live, the more I grow. The more I grow, the more I learn. And once I have that knowledge I have to make a choice. A choice to do what’s right and good for my family or what’s easy and simple. Well, I learned that simple isn’t always the best.

Which brings me to this post. Along with nursing, S and I have decided to cloth diaper this baby. And that’s not it. We are also considering making our own baby food once the baby starts to eat solids. Now we know we will get many strange looks from our families and friends. Not to mention the questions, “Why are you using cloth diapers?”, “Wouldn’t it be so much easier to use disposables?”, “Who do you think is going to want to change those when you aren’t around?”, “Why would you want to spend so much time washing dirty diapers?”, “How can you stand to carry those stinky diapers in your diaper bag?”, “Why do you go through all of the trouble of making your own baby food?”, “Wouldn’t it be easier and cheaper just to buy regular baby food?” I’m sure the list will go on and on. But our decision isn’t for our families and friends, even though we know they are well intentioned and we love them dearly. Our decision to do these things is for the benefit of our families. There are too many harmful things being put in products that our children come into contact with. I consider myself to be a savvy, educated, dedicated mother and wife. This being the case, I want to provide only the best for my family.

So as I get older, and hopefully wiser, I hope I can continue to make the right choices for my family. And in the meantime, I also hope that I can lovingly request others who question our choices, regardles of how well intentioned they are, to respect our decisions and let us do what’s best for us and our children.

 

Attachment Parenting April 3, 2008

Filed under: life - Mood: Contemplative — Flickerchic @ 5:12 am
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I never knew it had a name. Growing up, my sister and I slept with my mom for years, well into grade school age. And we loved it. So did she. I’m sure she never knew there was a name for it either…

Attachment Parenting International states attachment parenting is about forming and nurturing storng bonds between parents and children.
There are 8 Principle of Attachment Parenting:
* Prepare for pregnancy, birth, and parenting.
* Feed with love and respect.
* Respond with sensitivity.
* Use a nurturing touch.
* Engage in nighttime parenting.
* Provide consistent and loving care.
* Practice positive discipline.
* Strive for balance in personal and family life.

My philosophy of parenting falls right in line with these. I guess I can say that I’m trying to do better the more I grow and learn. As the old saying goes: you do better when you know better…or something like that…

As I get older, I’m realizing my view of parenting has changed quite a bit. For one, I no longer like to spank my kids. That is a big change! I mean, if I am going to teach my children not to hit, how am I teaching them that by hitting them? Also, I never thought I would breastfeed. But I did breastfeed K and will breastfeed this baby as well. To add to that, I’m a baby-wearer and we also co-sleep. I guess one would say that I’m a card toting AP parent. And I like the sound of that. One principle that I am working on is responding with sensitivity. I’m a yeller and I hate it. I gotta find a way to change that.

 

To my children

Filed under: Life - Mood: Nostalgic — Flickerchic @ 3:01 am
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Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh when I feel like crying.
Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is.
Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play.
Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.
Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles..
Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he comes by.
Just for this afternoon, I won’t worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.
Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won’t stand over you trying to fix them.
Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald’s and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys…
Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.
Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.
Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.
Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favorite TV shows.
Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.
I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children’s graves instead of their bedrooms, and mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can’t handle it anymore.
And when I kiss you good night I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask him for nothing, except one more day…………..

I love you more than you know.

 

SAHM March 20, 2008

Filed under: life - Mood: Contemplative — Flickerchic @ 1:46 pm
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I’m home on Spring Break this week and during these breaks, I really enjoy the time I’m able to spend with my family and being able to do all of the things that moms do for their kids. During these breaks, I really start to wish that I could be a stay at home mom, or even a work at home mom. I really enjoy being able to teach K myself. I like watching his favorite shows with him. I like him helping me around the house. I like playing with him. I just enjoy being a mom. So I guess this means I really need to get busy on my photography so I can do just that. Stay at home with my kids and be a mommy to them.