I have been trying to figure out what it is that I’m supposed to be learning from all of this. I feel like I’m being persecuted for something I didn’t know. I tried the best that I could to be a good wife. I do admit that I was not perfect, but I did the best that I could without having an example to follow. I was raised by a single mother all of my life and not all of the relationships that I saw my mother have were the healthiest. In my marriage, I always tried to put S first and make him feel loved and appreciated. I guess I didn’t do a good enough job because it didn’t keep him home.
I keep praying for grace, mercy, strength, and guidance. I keep waiting, listening for a voice to tell me what to do. But I keep getting nothing in return. The story of my life, so I don’t know why I keep expecting anything different now.