The Crazymomma Files

The GOOD, the BAD, and the UGLY

Our new plan October 22, 2008

Filed under: Life - Mood: Reflective — Flickerchic @ 11:32 am
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Well, Seon and I have made a drastic decision in an effort to save money. We have decided to temporary move to the Can with my mom in order to save money for the down payment on our house and to put some money in our savings account. We know this is a big step, but in order to get where we want to be financially, we are will to make this sacrifice for a few months. Our plan is to be there unti l June or July. My mom was fine with it and actually sounded kind of excited. Everyone seems to be glad that we are coming. Even Meme was understanding about our decision once we laid our plan out to her. Of course she hates to see Kyndal go, but we decided that he will continue to come to her on her usual babysitting days and that he will also continue daycare. All of the hard work that went into getting him used to school would all be in vain if we pulled him out. He really enjoys school now. That is, once he’s there. Now of course, there has to be some snags to every well thought out plan. Seon’s mom isn’t too happy with our decision. But we had to come to terms with the fact that this isn’t about his mother. It’s about bettering our family. We’re the ones making the sacrifice, so we aren’t going to worry about how others feel about it. We love her all the same, but this is what we have to do for us and our boys.

So this weekend is our last weekend in Funkytown for 8-9 months. By the time we return, our *$&% will be in order. I just hope this time will go by pretty quickly. Corsicana isn’t high on my list of places to live. But I keep chanting my mantra to myself: “It’s for the good of our family. It’s only temporary. It will be over before I know it.” Now I just have to make myself believe that!

Ho, ho, ho! It’s off to The Can we go.

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They don’t keep their best ones at home August 19, 2008

Filed under: Life - Mood: Reflective — Flickerchic @ 5:01 pm
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During our staff development today, my principal made this comment regarding the parents of the students at our school. For the last couple of years, discipline has been a major issue at our school. We got a new principal two years ago, and things just seemed to go down hill when she got there. It really time for our VP to go home because he doesn’t do anything to assist in managing the kids. And I’m not talking about the normal student who disrupts the class. I’m talking about kids who have not respect for authority – they don’t listen to their parents, so they could really care less what teachers say. I’m talking about kids who don’t expect anything out of life because their parents don’t give them anything to hope for. I’m talking about kids who think the whole world is just like the tiny impoverished neighborhood they live in because they have no life experiences outside of it. I’m talking about kids who can’t focus at school because they didn’t get to eat the night before or couldn’t sleep because music was blasting while mama entertained in the other room. I’m talking about kids who don’t know how to care about themselves, let alone anyone else, because everyone who should’ve cared for them all along has failed them. 

But yet, I have to teach these kids. One of the reasons that I was dreading going back to work was because I know the kids that I’m going back to. I had plenty of opportunities to see them in action last year. I got to see them crawling on the lunchroom floor, smearing feces on the restroom walls, trashing teachers’ classrooms, spray painting the VP’s office wall. And that’s not the half of it. Seon keeps asking me why do I continue to go back. Why don’t I apply at another school. But if I do that, I will feel like I’ve turned my back on my own. Like I failed…them and myself. “They don’t keep their best ones at home.” I have to find a way to get through to them.

 

100 things… August 7, 2008

Filed under: Life - Mood: Reflective — Flickerchic @ 11:03 pm
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Well, since I ended up merging two of my blogs by mistake, the combined postings total more than 100. From what I understand, when 100 posts have been reached in my blog, I’m to post 100 things about myself. A blogger tradition I read. First, yay to me for reaching 100 posts! And in true blogger fashion, here is my list…
 
100 Things About CrazyMomma
1. My husband, Seon and I have been married for 9 years.
2. Our 10th anniversary is in December.
3. We are renewing our vows on our anniversary.
4. I/We have three boys.
5. I have had two miscarriages.
6. Funkytown, TX is where I reside. (look it up if you haven’t heard of it…)
7. I have twin brothers and a sister.
8. I am a 2nd grade ESL teacher.
9. This year will be my 5th year teaching.
10. I was a Social Worker before I started teaching.
11. I love learning new things.
12. I have three degrees: Assoc. In Science, Bachelor of Social Work, Master of Ed.T
13. I will be going back to school to work on my Ph.D soon.
14. My hobbies are reading, writing/blogging, shopping, baking, and surfing the net.
15. My oldest son was born when I was 15 years old.
16. That experience taught me a lot and it took my 10 years to have another one.
17. I had my third son at 32.
18. I have two beautiful nieces.
19. I am terrified of rollercoasters – had a bad experience as a child.
20. I’ve started to try my hand at writing a novel that I have yet to finish after 5 years.
21. I am a self diagnosed anal retentive hypochondriac.
22. I spend absolutely too much time on the computer.
23. I wish I’d have learned how important a good credit score is while in high school.
24. I like to bowl and bowled my first turkey a few weeks ago!
25. I love DIY projects.
26. My TV stays locked on food network, HGTV, and CourtTV (I still can’t get used to Tru.TV) – that is when it’s not being monopolized by a 3 year old watching PBSkids and repeats of Barney and Lil Einsteins videos.
27. I love ALL of the crime and investigation shows: Law & Order, all of the CSIs, Without a Trace, Bones, The Closer, 24, yada, yada, yada. (I miss The Practice!).
28. I treat my dog, Sampson, like one of our kids.
29. I recently realized that I’ve become one of the women I used to loathe in the grocery store – the coupon clipping, reuseable bag carrying grocery shopper! WT…???
30. I enjoy relaxing with a good book in a nice, hot, candlelit bubble bath.
31. I spend waaayyyy too much money on bath soaps and body washes.
32. I hate my feet.
33. I recently lost approximately 40 pounds (babyfat) and now I have to replace my entire wardrobe…AGAIN!!!
34. I’ve been obsessed with gaining weight most of my life, but yet I can’t seem to keep any curves. (I know…not typical…)
35. I had one fight in my entire life (that is if you don’t count my sister) and it was with a boy and I won! That fool did hit me in the eye good though…maybe that’s what did it! LOL
36. I’ve thought about going to culinary school, not to particularly start a career as a chef, but just for fun.
37. I would also like to work in a forensic lab (although I don’t quite know how I’d do it being that my stomach is so weak my kids have to clean their own throw up if they are sick and miss the toilet. Sorry, babies…but just make sure you make it to the toilet.)
38. I love photography, although I am quite the amateur.
39. I am getting ready to buy my first DSLR camera.
40. I drink too much soda and not nearly enough water.
41. I have not yet become the domesticated diva that I aspire to be, but I’m working on it.
42. I have to work HARD at being a Godly wife to my husband sometimes.
43. I yell at my kids more than I’d like to, but you have to blame my mom for that.
44. I/We are attachment parents – although I never knew there was a name for it until after Kyndal was born.
45. I find it hard to say no to people even when I know I should.
46. I tend to be a glass half empty type of person.
47. I talk too much. I will talk to anyone, anywhere. It drives my husband nuts that I can strike up a conversation with a perfect stranger while waiting in the grocery line.
48. I despise ghetto-fabulousness with a passion!!!
49. I wear my emotions on my sleeve and it’s hard for me to hide my feelings.
50. I hate to admit it, but my three year old sometimes makes me feel like a first time mother who is clueless about what to do with him.
51. I never thought that I’d enjoy nursing. But after nursing my last son, I felt a bit of sadness that I didn’t nurse my older two.
52. I collect Boyd Bears and Willow Tree angels.
53. I am so ready for this election year to be over. All of the candidates are getting on my last nerve.
54. My husband and I would like to own a bed and breakfast one day.
55. Sometimes I still struggle with keeping my checkbook balanced.
56. I’d never admit this to anyone that I know personally, but I really do like to watch The Supernanny.
57. I am scared of bees.
58. I’ve flown on an airplane once in my life and don’t really care if I ever do it again.
59. I abhor traffic jams!!!
60. For this reason I keep books in my car so if by chance I’m stuck in traffic I can read.
61. I don’t wear make up on a daily basis. I like the fact that I can go bare faced and I still get carded…
62. I want to have a boob job but I’m too chicken to do it.
63. I love to dance.
64. I am a Dallas Cowboys fan.
65. I am also a Dallas Mavs fan.
66. I’ve always been scared of dogs and Sampson is the first dog that I’ve ever had. He’s like my baby and I can’t imagine anything ever happening to him.
67. I’ve gotten more traffic tickets than I’d care to admit.
68. I love being pregnant and I think pregnant women are beautiful.
69. I played softball when I was a kid and my teammates called me Chili Dog because I always ate chili dogs at the games.
70. I was an athlete in school. I played volleyball where I was named 1st Team All District, basketball, and ran track. 
71. I got my first job when I was 16 and have been working every since. (Can you say, NEED A VACATION…BADLY!!!)
72. I enjoy entertaining and hosting parties for our friends and family.
74. If I could choose any chore not to do around my house, it would be dusting. Don’t! Like! It!
75. Ok, this might be weird, but it’s me. I don’t clip my toenails, I just rip them off and my husband hates it. YUCK! I know. I get it from him all the time. 😀
76. I always try to interpret my dreams. I think my dreams always mean something about my life.
77. I like watching reruns of old school tv shows and cartoons.
78. I have attempted to read the Bible from cover to cover several times and have yet to complete it.
79. I wish that I could figure out an invention to keep weeds out of my garden because I’m tired of pulling them every other day!
80. Let’s see, 19 more to go (I ready have the last one…)hhhmmm…oh yeah, my favorite foods are Mexican, Italian, and American of course.
81. I rarely, ever try new foods because I’m picky about what I eat. So usually when I find something that I like, I stick with it. So I guess I can’t really get mad at my boys when they do the same, huh?
82. I’m allergic to fish and bananas. But I love tuna fish and it doesn’t bother me when I eat it. I also love banana nut bread, so I just suffer the consequences when I eat it.
83. I can be somewhat of a control freak – but I’m working on that.
84. I’ve met several celebrities in real life: Boyz to Men, Babyface (for those of you who remember who he is), Jim Jackson (of old Dallas Mavs fame), Morris Chestnut, R. Kelly (no he didn’t try to do the nasty), quite a few Dallas Cowboys (no I wasn’t a groupie, my cousin played for them for a season.) There are a few others, but for the life of me I can’t recall who they are. And I thought I’d remember them forever! Yeah right…I guess that’s not as important as I thought it would be.
85. I love a good laugh.
86. Three words that I’d use to describe myself are intelligent, sassy, and resourceful. (Independent used to be one of those words, but I’m learning that too much independence doesn’t work well in a marriage.)
87. I need a social life! I’ve forgotten what I used to do to enjoy myself before I got married and settled. I’ve lost a bit of myself and I’m having a hard time regaining it. 
88. I still feel self-conscious when I undress in front of my husband and we’ve been married for almost 10 years. 
89. I have two tattoos: one of Betty Boop and a panther.
90. I’m shy. Can’t you tell? 
91. I don’t like public speaking, although I had a job where that was all that I did. (Talk about stepping out of your comfort zone…)
92. Contrary to popular belief, I DO love my mother in law.
93. No matter how hard I try not to, I care too much about what other’s think of me.
94. No matter how cold it is, I can’t sleep in socks or long pajamas.
95. I don’t exercise, although I know I need to.
96. My best friend and I have been BF since kindergarten.
97. I don’t have a closet full of shoes. I believe that all I need is a few good pair that can mix and match with things and I’m good to go.
98. I’ve never had any major illness (knock on wood), never had stitches, a broken bone, or anything more than a minor cold (or the flu once). The only times that I’ve ever needed to be hospitalized or go to the hospital (besides visiting others) were for my pregnancies.
99. If I’m not happy, NOBODY’s happy! That’s just the way it goes.
100. And last, but most certainly not least, my family is my life and I would go to the ends of the earth and back for each and every one of them.
 
 

Keeping it real July 18, 2008

Filed under: Life - Mood: Reflective — Flickerchic @ 7:47 pm
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We hear alot of people talk about keeping it real. But I wonder how many people actually keep it real. I mean, could we handle being around each other if we “kept it real” all of the time. Could we handle the brutal honesty involved in “keeping it real”?

Well let’s see. Here’s some brutal honesty for your ass. Let’s keep it real.

1. I love being a mother, but sometimes my kids drive me nuts and I just want to drive away and not come back.

2. Being married does not get easier after 7 years. I now understand the saying “marry someone who loves you more than you love them.”

3. My oldest son is gay and it devastates the hell out of me.

4. Sometimes I think about calling the supernanny to help me get my house under control because I don’t feel like I can do it myself.

5. I am usually more sad than I am happy and I don’t know why. I’m not depressed, but just kind of blah.

I guess I better stop there. I don’t want anyone to think that I’ve jumped off the deep end (as if anyone really reads my blog, but just in case.) There will be more to come. We’ll let these marinate. If you think these were bad, just wait until you see the rest. Peace!

 

Pity Party Is Over April 10, 2008

Filed under: Life - Mood: Reflective — Flickerchic @ 11:45 pm

I have wallowed in my pity for too long. I have to get myself out of this funk. I have to pick myself up and keep going. I have my beautiful family to think about. I know God will not put any more on me that I can’t bear. I just have to trust Him even when I lack understanding.

What would my life be like if I had this baby and there was something wrong. That would be more of a hardship on us. Not that I wouldn’t do it, but the Lord know best. His plan is perfect. It is not for me to question. I have to stand on His Word and my faith.

This pity party is over. My heart is still aching, but I will not wallow in sorrow. I will grieve for the loss of my baby, but I will not let this defeat me. I give God all the praise. Thank you, God, for your grace and mercy.

 

Loving me January 17, 2008

Filed under: Life - Mood: Reflective — Flickerchic @ 2:06 am


How can I expect someone else to love me if I can’t TRULY love myself? There are many things that I love ABOUT myself. But do I truly love me? Loving me begins first with acceptance of me. Embracing all of my imperfections. Today I vow to fall in love with me…every inch of me.

Photo of the day…ME!