The Crazymomma Files

The GOOD, the BAD, and the UGLY

The Grim Reaper has been busy July 5, 2009

WOW! In just nine, short days, the world has mourned the loss of five celebrities: Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Billy Mays, Ed McMahon, and now Steve McNair. All of this makes one re-evaluate ones own life. I know it does me. I think about all of these people, who had all of the money in the world to do whatever they pleased. But yet, that money outlived them. I’m not saying that in a spiteful way. I say that to mean, that everyday, people do things in search of the all mighty dollar. Many people tie their happiness to the amount of moolah they have stashed away in their bank accounts, 401Ks, CDs, stocks, etc. But yet,when it’s all said and done, they still fail to have acquired that happiness they worked so hard to obtain.¬†In the meantime, families have been destroyed, reputations ruined, and childhoods lost. Just maybe that search should be for something else instead.

As I listen to discussions about the events surrounding the death of MJ and Steve McNair, it amazes me how cruel our world has become. It’s funny how we can all make assumptions about other people’s lives but dare we to peer into the window of our own and do the same. I’ve had friends and acquaintances make the comment that “Steve McNair got what he deserved because he shouldn’t have been cheating.” But we do not know the circumstances in his life. All we can do is make assumptions. Regardless of what the circumstances were, this man did not deserve to be shot to death in his sleep. As for MJ, I will not get on my soapbox. But I will say that there is only one perfect¬†entity with the authority to pass any judgement. And that person is not me. Whatever MJ did or didn’t do is not for me to say. I look at the man and the music.

Needless to say, the last few days have been crazy. And the sad part is, it’s only going to get crazier…


Why has He forsaken me??? April 9, 2008

Filed under: Life - Mood: Heavy-Hearted — Flickerchic @ 10:13 pm
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I can’t help but to feel like I’m being punished for something. I mean, this was the one time that my pregnancy wasn’t a “slip up.” Don’t get me wrong, I love all my kids with all the love that a mother could have for a child. But neither one of them were planned. Not that they weren’t wanted, but they weren’t planned.

The one time that we were actually wanting to get pregnant, something goes wrong! Was it something that I did? I can’t help but to think that. This is the second time that we’ve been through this and I don’t know why it’s happening to me. I’d already started to love this baby as if I was holding him/her in my arms. Now I will never get to hold her, kiss her, nurse her. My heart is breaking and I don’t know if I will be able to get over this. I’m 35 years old and this was supposed to be our last baby. But now what? We all know what the research says…women who have babies over the age of 35 have a higher chance of having a problem pregnancy.

It just seems like everytime I have something good going in my life, it’s yanked from under my feet. I guess I don’t deserve to be happy. It’s been proven time and time again. Maybe I should just stop trying to be happy and accept that my life is supposed to be anything but happy. His Word said that He would never forsake me. But why do I feel as if he has?


To daycare or not to daycare… March 19, 2008

Filed under: Life - Mood: Heavy-Hearted — Flickerchic @ 2:45 pm
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that is the question!

I just don’t know what to do about this daycare situation. I’m torn everytime that I have to take K and leave him there. He absolutely hates being there. Everytime that I take him, he’s crying his eyes out. I mean, when he sees that we’ve made the exit from the freeway he knows we are close and he’s coming out of his carseat and climbing to the front of the car. So, I don’t have to say what’s happening by the time we turn into the parking lot of the center. Talk about emotional! By the time I drop him off both of us are crying. I usually leave in just enough time to drop him off and then get to work. If I had more time, I know that I’d be taking him back to Meme’s.

He only goes two days a week. And I know that it is best for him to go right now since I do work, so playgroups and mommy’s day outs are out of the question for us. He has to go for the social interaction more than anything else. I know that we waited too long to let him start, but I was comfortable with him being taken care of by Meme instead of a daycare center. But now he is preschool age and needs to learn to play and socialize with other children in order to be ready for school next year. I know that he starts to enjoy himself once he’s there because he comes home singing the songs and talking about his day. But I just wish he would adjust better to better there.

Today, I hung around a little since I’m off of work. I was able to sit and calm him down a little bit more. I also wanted to see how they interacted with him. I mean, I don’t think that they mistreat him, especially since Genesis goes there and Roxey wouldn’t dare have kept her there as long as she has if she suspected mistreatment. His teacher spoke to him immediately and started to encourage him to come be a part of the group. She asked if he wanted to eat breakfast and he answered “no.” I told her he’d eaten already. After I left his area, I kind of hung out in the hallway and peeped in to see exactly what happens once I leave. He stopped crying a minute or so afterwards, which is what he typically does. His teacher asked him if he needed to potty and led him to the restroom. I could hear her as she praised him for using the toilet like a big boy and asked him to pull his pants back up. She sounded like she really cared about how he felt. They then went back into the room and she asked him to sit next to her at the table. She asked him if he was ok and he replied “yes.” But his body language said just the opposite! His shoulders slouched as he walked, his face was long – pouty lips and all, and he drug himself to the table and slowly sat down. My heart broke and I almost ran back inside to grab my baby and bring him back home. But I couldn’t! We have to do this. It will be better for him in the long run. That’s what I keep telling myself hoping it will make me feel better. It doesn’t. My heart still hurts because I left him. I feel like the worse mommy in the world. Who says that my baby won’t be just as adjusted or even more when he goes to school if he doesn’t go to daycare? Can’t the nurturing love of a family member provide enough encouragement and instill enough excitement in wanting to go to school next year when he’s more ready? I believe this also. But in the big scheme of it all, Meme needs some time to herself. And K is becoming alot more rambunctious. And did I mention he can run really fast! And the point I hate to think about is, Meme IS getting older and she’s having to give K too much of her attention since he doesn’t nap as much anymore. She needs a break.

So, until summer vacation, this is what we have to do. I know K will start to get adjusted sooner or later. I just hope his adjustment come sooner rather than later.