…but back today! That’s what happens when you have to go to work outside of the home. I never thought I’d want to be a SAHM…I’ve always needed that independence of making a check to help support my family. That’s all I’ve known to do. Being that I had B at the mere age of 15, all I’ve known is self reliance. Which was alot of the problem with S and I in our marriage. Not that I do anything to intentionally insult his manhood, who I am is who I am. I have never been one to “shuck and jive”. Whenever I set my mind to do something, I do it. Hell, how many 15 year old kids have babies, graduate in the top 10% of their class, earn a college scholarship, and graduate with 3 degrees? Not too many. So I think I have a little something to toot my own horn about.
So, why is it that I’ve been entertaining the idea of wanting to stay home. Not like it could even happen now, but all the same. I just hated getting up and leaving my baby yesterday when I went back to work. Walking out the door brought back those nostalgic memories of when I had to leave him to go back to work after my maternity leave. My breasts heavy with milk and my heart erupting in more sadness than I’d ever felt at leaving my children, I sat in my car and cried my eyes out in the parking lot of my job. That time I know it was more of my hormones. But I don’t know why I was tearing up yesterday. I just wanted to stay home with my boy. All the more reason for me to get busy on my photography. Can I really make this happen?
Don’t get me wrong. I love my job. I love how my 2nd graders laugh at my silly jokes. How they know the right things to say to make me laugh when my day isn’t going all that great even though I’m not supposed to let them know that but they know anyway because I wear my feelings on my sleeve. How they tell me they love me even though they’ve been scolded just a minute before. How they make drawings for me that I can’t for the life of me figure out what they are but I tell them that I love them anyway. I mean, I love my class. They are my kids too. Could I really walk away from this?
No pic for today…
